Jim Tracks Dwight's Time

Episode
Business Ethics (Season 5, Episode 2)

Pranker
Jim Halpert

Target
Dwight Schrute

Description
Holly is in charge of a business ethics meeting when the subject of “time theft” comes up. She explains this is a situation where sitting around and doing nothing is on par with stealing in business. When Oscar admits he sometimes takes a long lunch (or siesta as Michael puts it), Dwight calls on his firing. Jim calls out Dwight, asking if he’s ever stolen company time. Dwight replies he hasn’t (though Michael calls him a thief of joy). Next time they are at their desks, Jim has a stopwatch and tracks how long Dwight takes to yawn. When Dwight confronts and begins to mock Jim, he notices the watch continuing to tick away the seconds. Once he returns to work, Jim logs a 17 second personal conversation.

Reaction
Dwight tries to focus to start, but Jim eggs him on. While sitting at his desk, Dwight overhears Jim start a conversation with Andy about Battlestar Galactica. When Jim mentions that it is just so-so, Dwight turns to confront, but Jim is there with the stopwatch to keep him at bay. He mentions all the cool monsters like Klingons and Wookies (causing Dwight to silently turn again) and tells Andy that is basically a shot-for-shot remake of the original series. He continues on, all while Dwight is boiling inside, about the story being about this guy named Dumbledore Calrissian who needs to return the ring back to Mordor. Even Andy mentions that that doesn’t sound right. This pushes Dwight into a working frenzy. Jim’s notes detail that he sneezed while keeping his eyes open and then he peed in an open soda bottle under the desk while filling out expense reports. Later, Jim notes a 19-minute, 48-second personal break that Dwight took. When asked, Dwight is unfazed and accepts the theft, all while Angela straightens her shirt in the background.


Originality
6 -Dwight’s pride in his work ethic is his downfall, but Jim has to be praised for his perfect job of driving Dwight crazy without having to hear anything in response. Dock him a point for the hypocrisy.

Length Taken
7 - This could have definitely gone farther. Jim started keeping track of small times and then went on to see if things could get escalated to a high level with his Andy conversation. He eventually sent Dwight into working overdrive, but that eventually made him go do his relaxing thing downstairs. Jim just wanted a little admission from Dwight that he was stealing company time and isn’t completely ethical.

Special Awards
Take it Like a Champ Award - Dwight gets this one because he never takes pranks well, even when they end. But, Jim was trying to make a point, and Dwight understood. Unfortunately, we know why Dwight isn’t completely ethical (enter creepy sex-grin here).
Blind Assist Award - To Andy, for knowing so little about Battlestar Galactica that the whole scene worked in Jim’s favor

Kevin is Special

Episode
Goodbye Toby (Season 4, Episode 13) & Weight Loss (Season 5, Episode 1)

Pranker
Dwight Schrute

Target
Holly Flax (and Kevin Malone by proxy)

Description
Good ole’ Toby Flenderson is on his way out of Dunder Mifflin. Michael is ecstatic but is also apprehensive of his replacement Holly; thinking she will be much of the same. Michael and Dwight look on and agree that some good old-fashioned hazing is in the books for the new HR rep. Though Michael is too blindsided by love at first see of his ears to remember to haze, Dwight wastes no time. In the midst of introducing Holly to the accounting department, he mentions that Kevin is there on a special work program, because he is “special.”

Reaction
Holly introduces herself to Kevin and asks what he does. He replies that he does the numbers and then offers her an M&M. Holly declines, but that doesn’t stop Kevin from explaining why he keeps them on his part of the desk. Later, Kevin can’t decide what he wants from the vending machine between pretzels and chips. Holly helpfully and gently helps him decide that he can get anything on the top row. Kevin believes he is going to bang Holly, because she is cute, helpful and really seems into him. During the party, after Phyllis asks Kevin to go to the store, Holly notes that Kevin drives his own car, also mentioning she has one too. Before leaving, Holly says how proud she is of him. He smiles suggestively at the camera. At the end of the night, when Michael misses the hints of Holly asking him to go eat, Kevin goes in his stead (to eat pie). At least she buckles him in the car. By the time the big weight loss competition get’s going, Kevin almost does the math faster than everyone else in stating that when Pam got off the scale it dropped 226 lbs. He was off by a little, but Holly was there to congratulate (after all, math is hard). Unfortunately, this all comes to a head when Angela starts berating Kevin for a clerical error he made. When Holly comes to Kevin’s defense, the truth about his mental condition comes out and, needless to say, Holly is a little embarrassed and walks away to seclusion.


Originality
7 -Despite the nature of this one, Dwight must have analyzed and rationalized the scenario. He figured out that Kevin’s mannerisms are somewhat “special” and also knew that a gentle soul like Holly would handle it so delicately that it would continue to play out. What a great job by Dwight…that is, if it just wasn’t so damn wrong. Not to mention, Dwight never has to fess up to anything.

Length Taken
10 - Poor Kevin. What is worse, him having everyone thinking he is special-needs, or the fact that he mistakes this as attraction and a sure-fire sign of banging.

"Special" Awards
I‘d be Crying if I Wasn‘t Laughing Award - Easily the most depressing prank ever pulled
Going the Distance Award - This might be the longest developing/lasting prank since Jim put quarters in Dwight’s phone. How long could have this gone on?
You’re Not Helping Award - Come on, Phyllis. He knows he has to take off his shoes, don’t reinforce things.

Jim Pairs Dwight's Phone

Episode
Goodbye Toby (Season 4, Episode 13)

Pranker
Jim Halpert

Target
Dwight Schrute

Description
Dwight’s cell phone rings to start the day, but when he picks it up, the phone doesn’t respond. Jim, on the other had, clicks on his Bluetooth headset and answers a sales call as Dwight. Jim explains that Dwight left his cell phone on his desk, so naturally, Jim paired it.


Reaction
Dwight’s begins to see it rationally and tells Jim he’ll just let it go to voicemail. But, before that happens, Jim picks up the call with Pam on the other line. She says he sounds sexy (he’s been working out) and this sends Dwight into a frenzy to make sure things are evaluated correctly. Pam plays her part of acting confused with Dwight yelling at her and “Dwight” on the phone perplexing her small, receptionist mind. She states her confusion, leading to Dwight’s rage. He demands Jim’s earpiece, but Jim won’t budge (it’s unsanitary). After a failed attempt at forced coherence, Dwight reprograms his cell phone to go to his office phone. Jim is way ahead of him and gets a call from Dwight’s mother on his office line (good news…he’s married; tell Father). Dwight gives up and begins to slam his cell phone against his desk while it continues to ring.

Originality
6 - Nothing bad, but nothing too special. Dwight makes the mistake of leaving his one outlet that Jim can’t touch out in the open and Jim jumps at the opportunity. I, for one, am surprised Dwight has a Bluetooth capable phone. He has the $10 outfit and the calculator watch…I’m surprised he doesn’t have a beeper and one of those thick 1980s-phones.

Length Taken
9 - Obviously this is going to drive Dwight crazy on the first try, but he keeps accepting it and moving on to an alternative. And at every corner, Jim is there to figure it out. Phone rings, Dwight picks up, Jim answers. Phone rings, Dwight refuses to pick up, Jim still answers. Dwight transfers to his work line, Jim still picks up. Phone rings, Dwight begins to destroy. That’s covering your bases.

Special Awards
Amish Kryptonite Award - How to get a humble beet farmer on edge? You mess with the limited technology he has. Well done Tuna, well done.
Doin’ it in Style Award - Everyone who ever wears a Bluetooth headset looks like a douche bag, but Jim looked pretty normal. Long hair probably helps.
The Helpful Assist Award - Way to go Pam! No one does it better. She’ll keep setting them up, and Jim will keep knocking them down.

Michael "Cements" his Face

Episode
Did I Stutter? (Season 4, Episode 12)

Pranker
Jim Halpert

Target
Michael Scott

Description
Michael comes in the office needing ideas. After Pam informs him that he needs to elaborate, Michael informs everyone of his lifelong dream of wet cement drying outside and his desire to leave his mark. Kevin suggests his initials of MGS, but Michael interjects that he doesn’t want Mark Greg Sputnik to take credit. Phyllis is bursting with enthusiasm, but between Michael’s pressure and her own memory, nothing is suggested. Andy suggests a picture, but is quickly shot down. Swooping in to save the day, Kelly remembers seeing Will Smith in cement (he looked sooooo good, after all) and after a translation by Pam, Michael falls in love with the idea of putting his hands in the everlasting ground. Jim sees his chance and says that if Michael was a real star he would put his face in it.


Reaction
Michael loves it more. Oscar doesn’t think it’s safe, but that boyish enthusiasm can’t be contained and off Michael goes, with a just-as-giddy Dwight and Kevin in tow. Outside, Jim is giving what sounds like a eulogy, but is just ramming home what his brain-child has given forth. Dwight provides a straw for breathing and Vaseline for…well, I don’t know. Dwight seems like he is smothering him in the cement, but Michael comes up with plenty of cement on his face and a place to show his kids where his daddy left a face-hole.

Originality
4 - Not too much to do with this. Michael wants to mark cement. Kelly suggests hands, Jim suggests face. Michael obliges. He could have gone with a full-body cementing.

Length Taken
6 - Jim’s lofty speech (We’re not here to immortalize a man…) tries his best, but this is pretty standard stuff in Scranton these days. Where were the cheers for a cement angel? I was a little disappointed.

Special Awards
Knowing Your Enemy Award - You knew when Michael ran in that this was going to end badly. Jim bought his time and got the job done
The Simplicity Award - That was just too easy. It took one small push and that was that

Back with a Vengence

We're finally back after a long off season.

I'll be updating all the rest of the Season 4 Pranks as well as all of Season 5. Season 6 kicked off with an episode that had no pranks, so we'll get to those as they come at us.

Thanks for sticking around.